The Scary Truth

So I've been reading Natalie Whipple's blog lately, and a couple of her recent posts about being on submission have kind of, well I don't really know. I suppose the right word might be 'unsettled'. I think they've unsettled me. Or maybe shaken me and my faith in my writing career.

She's been talking about how long she's been on submission (15 months) and how this is affecting her. And something about what she said struck a chord with my very insecure self. You see, I have this massive fear (which I'm sure I share with most would-be writers) that I will get my current WIP all shiny and polished and send it off to agents and no one will pick it up. Or the agents will like it and then not be able to sell it. I've been working on this novel off and on for about ten years now. Granted, I took some long breaks, but has basically been my life for the past two to three years. Finishing it, editing it, having it critiqued, editing it again. And the idea that I might not sell it is down right terrifying. When you've poured so long into something, the idea of it never seeing light is unimaginable and too much of a reality at the same time.

Now don't mistake my meaning here. I know that there are lots of authors out there that spend ten or more years on a single novel and get it sold. But from what I understand, they mostly have books already in print. Until this past week, I hadn't really considered what I was going to do if I couldn't sell my book. Now I can't think of anything else. I've been frantically trying to come up with a contingency plan for a couple days now. The question "What am I gonna do if I can't sell this," keeps swirling around in my head, and I can't seem to escape it.

Of course, all of this seems like doomsaying since I haven't actually started querying agents. What can I say. I've always liked to be ahead of the curve. But kidding aside, I do want to have a backup plan. So I've decided to start working on a second, unrelated novel in hopes that by the time I get ready to start submitting I will have a second option should I run into trouble.

On a slightly unrelated note, I am up to over 68,000 words on my WIP. This is pretty big considering earlier this year I was just hoping to get to 50,000 words. Now, I might (hopefully) hit 70,000 words. That's kind of incredible to me. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to get that many. And sometimes if I'll ever have enough.

Well, I'm off now.